Falling For You...

Have you ever felt so empty and happy at the same time? Have you every realized that a day can be so full of things and at the end you're still empty? Such a weird feeling...
I'm home right now, fronting my laptop, listening to N'sync song entitled "Falling".

I just sat here trying to find a reason to carry on living. I just feel like everything has suddenly become too much, you know? I know everyone feels like this at points in their life, but it's been about three, four years now for me and nothing has changed. It's like I just keep running and running and running and running and running some more because I think that eventually I'll have got far enough for it all to have disappeared... and then I slow down a little, just ease back ever so slightly into thinking and feeling like it will all be okay and then BOOM...

 I wish I hadn't ended up like this. I don't understand how and why I became so upset and lonely and so afraid of talking to people and telling them things. I don't understand why all I want is to be alone most of the time, but then badly, badly wish I had someone with me, someone to talk to. Time goes by so quickly, I could still remember the last time I promised myself not to fall in love again but things changed from the time this guy suddenly came to my life. I smile every time,I think about this guy. At least I feel that way but right now there's no one more special than this guy and it might be too soon to say it but it's true.  I don't know what and how it happened but I just did, That guy I mentioned... or did I?

Yes, this guy I really like talking to him, I like him, without Him it seems like I'm incomplete but I'm confused about where I stand with him... I just don't know I'm scared, but I love this guy. Not really sure where to start. So, as always, I’ll start from where I am.

I'm ready and willing to take the risk now and if I failed again it doesn't matter now atleast I tried. I guess after so many years it’s time for me to say goodbye to lonely, alone, Emo moments of my life and come back out of my cave again and be in love again. =)

Here I am Again

      Haven't posted anything within the last few days and now here I am again...
Do you ever just want to skip a day because you just don't know if you will be able to survive it?
Do you need to go to a quiet dark room and close the door just to try to catch your breath?...

 If you feel that stress You aren't alone coz I am too. Well nothing's new about me aside from the fact that I am getting bored here now at home doing nothing. My life now revolves around Facebook, Twitter, YouTube Blogger, sleep, eat, clean house and hangout with friends. There are lots of weeks that I just Facebook all the way... and do nothing.

 I woke up this morning at exactly 7:30am and today was a very stressful day I had. I clean the entire house and I tried to make everything organized then visit Facebook and Twitter to check out who had said what and catch up with friends and cook something for dinner and back checking Facebook again.

 If you'll ask me what is stressful about it? Well It's simply because I keep doing the same things over and over again, it's like a High-school drama but doing same things

everyday is truly a nerve- racking. I have so much going on in my life right now (and I know everyone else does as well) but this boredom really kills me.


                               
I wanted to go SOMEWHERE.. I want to travel, I just want to get away and go somewhere, anywhere. =(

God's Perfect Plan

Another busy Sunday has come and gone. I want to tell you how God blessed me in particular today. This morning, I woke up early and I went to Church..Yes exactly, you read it right I went to Church which I never did for many years. And that's good news right? even my father was really glad when Mom told Him that I finally decided to go to church again every Sunday.To make it short, while Pastor Mandy is preaching the word of God, I don't know what exactly what I am doing I don't even plan anything there's this feeling that I can't described but I did went to Church.

I keep on asking myself why I am here?why??even I myself can't believe why I went to Church??

I prayed, I really prayed, I ask God why? and while I'm praying it feels like God is wrapping His arms around me and welcoming me back to His arms again, all I need to do is accept Him and my heart was really aching, I feel so ashamed to God, after all what I did to Him, after turning away from Him for so many years, He's still there and welcoming me back with His loving arms. I already can't control my tears that they started falling from my eyes. I ask for forgiveness and ask Him to changed my heart and my life. Now I know, I never plan anything.. but I am there. I never plan but God did.. It was He's perfect plan for me, I was there because He wants me to be back to in His loving arms and I am very welcome, it was never too late. Thank you Lord for your goodness.

For showing me today how you truly love me despite of all the wrong things I did. Thank you Lord. Let your will be done Lord and let my heart and my life changed and let me be with you in your kingdom.