I'm home right now, fronting my laptop, listening to N'sync song entitled "Falling".
I just sat here trying to find a reason to carry on living. I just feel like everything has suddenly become too much, you know? I know everyone feels like this at points in their life, but it's been about three, four years now for me and nothing has changed. It's like I just keep running and running and running and running and running some more because I think that eventually I'll have got far enough for it all to have disappeared... and then I slow down a little, just ease back ever so slightly into thinking and feeling like it will all be okay and then BOOM...
I wish I hadn't ended up like this. I don't understand how and why I became so upset and lonely and so afraid of talking to people and telling them things. I don't understand why all I want is to be alone most of the time, but then badly, badly wish I had someone with me, someone to talk to. Time goes by so quickly, I could still remember the last time I promised myself not to fall in love again but things changed from the time this guy suddenly came to my life. I smile every time,I think about this guy. At least I feel that way but right now there's no one more special than this guy and it might be too soon to say it but it's true. I don't know what and how it happened but I just did, That guy I mentioned... or did I?
Yes, this guy I really like talking to him, I like him, without Him it seems like I'm incomplete but I'm confused about where I stand with him... I just don't know I'm scared, but I love this guy. Not really sure where to start. So, as always, I’ll start from where I am.
I'm ready and willing to take the risk now and if I failed again it doesn't matter now atleast I tried. I guess after so many years it’s time for me to say goodbye to lonely, alone, Emo moments of my life and come back out of my cave again and be in love again. =)
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